why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
