You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
