i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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