Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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