It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
