Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
