So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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