Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
