dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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