theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
