so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
