Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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