I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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