he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
