You're completely useless in the revolution.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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