and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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