her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
