i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize