Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
