Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got inside last night via doggy door
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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