I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
