btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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