i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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