I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
