It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
