i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
