i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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