i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
