Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
