oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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