U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize