Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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