dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
