It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
