he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
