dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
