Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
