you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
