Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
