Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
