Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
