I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize