Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
