bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
