it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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