I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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