hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
