If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
