time to smoke my breakfast
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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