i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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