It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Randomize
