this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Everyone says I win the strip club
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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