Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
be right there i have to get my cape
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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