we're blogging at a bar
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize