Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
