Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
