i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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