he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
