Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
