i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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