So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
