ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
