Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
