She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
