Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
