She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
