Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
look no pants
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
