Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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